***This post is not for the squeamish and/or faint-hearted. You have been warned.***
I'm going to share one of the worst, if not the worst, thing about being this obese - dealing with toilet hygiene. Or rather, the common lack thereof. The mechanics are that I just can't reach to wipe myself. Either fore or aft.
I have a sponge on a stick that I use for wiping aft. Or rather, that my husband uses to wipe me. He is very laid back about it all, but it hurts and embarrasses me to have to have him take care of something so intimate and frankly, disgusting. When he is not at home, I can contort myself just enough to use it. One hand on the tub rim, the other holding the stick. I dig under my huge apron, brace my arm on the toilet rim and squirm a bit. It's not nearly as neat and hygienic as when hubby does it as I have to bring the dirty sponge forward past my fore and belly. There is no "front to back" wiping except when hubby does it.
When I am out of the house, I simply have to do without wiping. We call it having "poopy butt." I can't use the sponge myself since there isn't a tub rim to brace myself on. And family unisex bathrooms are rare. Even if I could use the sponge alone while out, where would I rinse it? At home, I use the tub. I couldn't bear to rinse my sponge at a common bathroom sink and I'm not about to put the sponge in a Ziploc to rinse hours later. Ugh.
I simply do without fore wipes. I don't want to use the sponge that wipes my aft to wipe my fore. So, I wear absorbent cotton underwear when I'm out and sit on a sheet on the couch at home. Only after a shower do I ever feel clean and my underwear is too awful to discuss. I've have a few urinary tract infections in the last couple of years and I get painfully raw at times.
Why am I sharing something so intimate and private? Because sometimes I get the impression that people think that we morbidly obese people are unmotivated to lose weight. That we LIKE being this heavy and eating "all we want." This is the ugly side of living with super morbid obesity. It's not pretty and it's not fun and it's no way to live.
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I admire the courage it takes to make this kind of post. Hubby and I are both obese (him almost 400lbs, me 300+) and I understand the difficulty. We both use sanitary napkins (overnight absorbency, ultra-thin) to save the underwear. Hubby calls them his "fart-blockers". They do seem to help.
ReplyDeleteHang in there!
Morphy, I applaud your courage and openness! You are right about people making judgments without ever thinking about reality. You are amazing!
ReplyDeleteMorphy, Your honesty touches my heart. I hear you. When I first developed my Rheumatoid Arthritis I had some difficulty reaching certain parts due to the inflammation in my shoulders, wrists and hands. It was humiliating. I so believe you that you are motivated on this journey of yours. I support your efforts and will hold you in my heart and prayers, seeing you successful, healthy and happy.
ReplyDeletemaggie1944
Riva, for some reason pads simply don't stay in my underwear. I wonder if it's because they are loose between my legs? After the horror of having pads "drop" in public, I stopped using them.
ReplyDeleteGeorgia Dawn, thank you, hon! You inspire me as well!
maggie, thank you, too! I feel your heart and send hugs back.
I can understand your pain. I reciently purchased a toileting aid *basically a stick that holds toilet paper* to help me. I am embarassed that I own this and I feel horrible about getting to this point. My husband is very nice and I love him but I still at times feel intense embarassment and shame. It is hard but I want to loose weight and get into better shape so I can have stamina to do the things I want to. I applaud your courage and wish you the best of luck
ReplyDeletehello I am over 600lbs and know all to well what your talking about. I only crap at home and have to take a shower to rinse off. I use a auto car wheel brush with liquid body soap and a hand shower sprayer with turbo spray and this combo works great for me. takes time but I can't just let it ride. ewwwwwwww
ReplyDeleteI have a friend in this situation and I have a very hard time talking to her about it. However the odor issue from her not whiping her "fore" appropriately has really caused her living conditions to be sad, and she also has a roommate living with her that is having to living in the odor as well. I'm wondering if there's anything I can recommend to help with the odor issues while she works to getting herself into better shape where she can more easily handle the cleaning and hygiene issues herself. And info would be much appreciated.
ReplyDeleteDoes your friend know she has an odor issue? This is what I do: I wear a panty shield with wings ALL the time and change it often. I also have what I call butt floss to use after I go. I have cut up some plane white towel into strips the long way. Once used I wash them at home with bleach added (so they are always white and clean. To keep the towel from unraveling I stitch up the sides with a zig-zag. I keep my "floss" in pretty cosmetic bag while clean and put them is zip lock bags in a separate cosmetic bag until they are washed. This method has worked for me for years. I always have two with me when I go out, again in a pretty cosmetic bag. Maybe this will give your friend some ideas.
DeleteI don't mean to be callous, but wouldn't it be easier to lose weight than figure ways around being that large?
DeleteI'd suggest the website amplestuff.com. They have a nice selection of hygiene products for us big people.
ReplyDeleteIt's kind of like being a T-Rex - it's awful!
ReplyDeleteThat made both my husband and I laugh SO hard. Now my new thing is to make a T-Rex noise when I need his help. LOL!
ReplyDeleteGO ONLINE AND SEARCH FOR AN ITEM CALLED BOTTOM BUDDY.
ReplyDeleteI am over 400 lbs and I have tonight made a commitment with my husband to both try hard to lose weight. We are going to try the prepackaged diet meals *which I know suck* but they are convenient and will put us on the fast track to loosing some weight and understanding portion size. I have to admit I am really scared, because I know I am at a point where things are going to get ugly if I do not try to loose weight. Thank you for sharing your experiences it helps people like me not feel so alone.
ReplyDeleteI just slide to the edge of the tub and rinse with a shower sprayer. That makes me feel cleaner.
ReplyDeleteIt's too bad that calories don't matter and fat people create fat from nothing. I feel your pain.
ReplyDeleteI've reached 'that' weight and have been wondering what and how to do these simple tasks. Thank you for being open and honest. I did a google search and your site was the first that I looked at and I don't feel the need to look further. You write with a sense of caring and understanding and I appreciate it.
ReplyDeleteI will say, T-Rex made this search worth while!!! Not so gloomy now, I'm going to stomp around the house a bit!!
Thank you again!
... your courage in posting this just made you BEAUTIFUL to me.
ReplyDeletedefinitely ditto.
DeleteThank you. I've gotten a lot of nice feedback on this blog post.
ReplyDeleteAnd you should, because to see someone with the energy and serenity you have is an inspiration to everyone that reads your blog.
ReplyDeleteWow so refreshing to know that others are dealing with the issues. a very young active person i am having a hard time with wiping and hygeine myself for number 1 and two checking out the wesite for products tonight!!!!!
ReplyDelete...I feel so alone and am so thankful to realize i am not. Thank you...
ReplyDeleteThank you so much for this post; my mom is dealing with this issue and I want to buy something that will help her. I truly appreciate your courage and honesty; I'm sure she will as well.
ReplyDeleteI am just over 200 pounds but have a condition that caused my arms to be extremely short along with being in my 60's I just am not as flexible as I used to be. I also have what they call an apron hanging flesh really. I am looking for a support garment so that I don't get a rash. Any suggesions
DeleteI don't use support garments, so unfortunately, no. Perhaps others will though.
DeleteThanks for sharing. You are not alone. I too am obese and have these problems. We need a place to share are hurts and frustrations. We can give each other support.
DeleteOne thing you might try is to carry extra underwear with you and change it every time you go to the bathroom when you are out of the house. The other thing that I have been doing myself is to use Lysol or Clorox wipes to wipe up the toilet seat when I am finished (you can put these into a Ziploc) and then dry it with toilet paper. You can't flush the Lysol wipe, but it goes just fine into the trash can, or you can carry a separate Ziploc for used wipes.
ReplyDeleteInstead of the sponge on a stick, I think I might try something solid on the stick so that you could wrap either toilet paper around it (so you could use fresh paper after wiping one area) and maybe even use something like Platex Personal Wipes. I personally use those wipes on my face and the rest of my body when I have gotten too sweaty, as they are really gentle, have witch hazel in them (which is great for removing the salt from sweat) and the perfume on them doesn't bother me.
I'm thinking you might use something about the size and shape of one of those traveling soap dishes for the hard surfaced thing. Or something smaller if that is too big.
The other thing is, you could always have two sponges, couldn't you? Two different colors, and then you'd know which is which.
You could also bring a small bottle of very diluted body cleanser with you. One of those bottles with a pop-up top like are on the top of dish detergent. You can find those where they have bath items and hair stuff at the local drug store. If the cleanser is diluted enough, it shouldn't bother the skin and would leave you feeling as fresh as you do when you are at home. I'm thinking something like super-diluted witch hazel might work. SUPER diluted though, or it will hurt because it has a tiny bit of alcohol in it. Or try pouring some of the liquid from a vinegar and water douche into your squirt bottle, since that is designed not to be rinsed off.
If you are having odor problems on the rest of the body, a powder with zinc oxide in it works wonders and helps keep you cool. Caldescene is such a powder. Make sure that you are absolutely dry when you use it (which may mean standing in front of a high-powered fan) for it to work properly.
Hang in there. There are a lot of us in the same boat as you are.
Oh, and Amplestuff is a great place to get things, but I found another website that actually would, I think, solve your wiping problems once and for all.
ReplyDeletehttp://www.mysizeusa.com/personalhygiene.html
I tried that site and it is either gone or blocked. It also is listed as a fraudulent site by several web watch groups.
DeleteHere is the best selection of sanitary wiping products I've found so far:
http://www.oversizesolutions.com/Toileting-Aids-s/29.htm
finally some real information
ReplyDeleteI want to thank you so much for posting what you did. Like many, I thought I was the only one in the world with this wiping problem :( I am starting a diet program, but in the mean time all of the suggestions will help so much.
ReplyDeleteThank you for being so open and honest!
I must to say this blog catched my attention for all the interesting information that contained. i really liked, i think all this information are very useful and . i really enjoyed reading. I am a curious person, but i am usually interested just in a good blog like this one.
ReplyDeletebuy viagra
Thank you for sharing this. I thought it was just me. My wife has been wonderful but how can I ask her to do this for me. She has but it wont continue. Your writing has given me the strength and courage to stop BS ing myself and get on a diet. I know I have been depressed about things going on in my life, but I dont want to add this as well. Thank you kindly and God bless you all . I got something out of everyone's posts.
ReplyDeleteThank you so much! This was so helpful and encouraging. God Bless You!
ReplyDeleteI have used a wooden backscratcher and wrap toiler paper around the "hand" part of it to wipe myself. This works great and I just slide it across my bottom before I bring it back up and the dirty toiler paper slides into the toilet. Just have to carry a purse large enough to carry that backscratcher in.
ReplyDeleteI never imagined that I would ever have problems wiping but now I do. I am completely miserable and very depressed about how much weight I have gained over the past few years. I am now only a few pounds away from being 400 pds and believe me that was hard for me to type.
ReplyDeleteI feel like a prisoner in my own body and really have trouble doing small every day things that people take for granted. I have stopped going to family holiday gatherings, parties and several things because I really hate always being the biggest person in the room.
When my Dr told me that I was morbidly obese I felt like there was no hope and I have always been active and outgoing but I have lost a lot of loved ones the past few years and it has really affected my health. I am having shortness of breath even walking short distances and I am also very uncomfortable every moment of the day. I do not want to see anyone because I am embarrassed and ashamed to know that I have lost this much control of my life.
I don't know what to do but I really do need a miracle. I literally have to squat as low as I can or kick my leg up on something to even wipe a portion and I still cannot get everything. I hate this and it has altered my outlook on life. I do not want anyone to see me looking like this. I have so many aches and pain and I can literally feel my heart having to work more. Why has this happened to me? My insurance doesn't even cover weight loss surgery and I really wanted to have the lap band done. I am looking for a miracle because I need something or someone to help me get started. I have been depressed for so long about this and all of the other things that have happened that for the first time ever in my life I have lost all motivation.
Not to mention the fact that I am single and live alone so I have no one who can help me and no one who understands and I find myself very lonely. All that is here is me, the walls and my constant thoughts. The depression has increased and I have not been to work, I don't know what to do. I feel like I am at at fork in the road one path leads to destruction and the other path leads to hope but I am so lost that I cannot even tell the difference. It is my ultimate dream and desire to lose all of this weight.
My back hurts so bad that I hate to even walk now because it feels like my back will lock up at any moment. I am so sorry to be saying all of this but I have been holding it in so much and I really feel like someone here will understand me instead of judging me.
Happy New Year to all!!!!!!!
I feel the same way.
DeleteThe doctor told me i wss obese. I have never been this big so I have no experience with the hygien problems that come with being over whieght. I am so glad to see this info it5 has been helpfulland gives me inspiration to work toward a whieght. I have been diagnos dieabetic. what challenge. I will continue to surf the web for more hygene solutions.
ReplyDeleteInteresting to hear how creative people are. Really... this is what I've invented, I'm just under 300#s so the only thing I have a prob with right now is wiping the behind. What I've done is gotten an old toothbrush. I break off a long piece of TP and wrap it around the handle part of the toothbrush. I use a water bottle to moisten the TP and reach back there and clean up. I'll repeat until the TP is clean. Until it dawned on me to put a toothbrush in my purse, I wouldn't wipe if I was out and had to go.
ReplyDeleteIn the shower, I have a long piece of fabric. Cut..4'X 1'....I just soap it up, place it between my legs and work it up into the area and pull back and forth about 8-10 times and it usually gets rid of "poop butt" and it feels nice after your shower.
Hope this helps someone.
What a relief to find this blog. I have been having this problem for a time now and like all, I want so much to lose the weight; but for now there are these issues to deal with. Thank and God bless all of you for touching on such a forbidden topic. Your understanding and suggestions are very much appreciated. To Anonymous who posted December 5, 2010 at 5:36, I feel your pain and NO you are not alone, nor should you ever be judged.
ReplyDeleteOh my goodness I want to cry! I'm around 370 pounds (it's been 2 months since I was weighed at the doc's office so I really don't know how much I weigh now) and I'm having problems keeping myself clean down there. I thought I was the only one! I just copied those two sites down that were mentioned in the comments section thanks guys. And thank you Morph for posting this experience. I feel better about myself and am glad you are able to deal with it as best as you can. As someone said in the comments about feeling like a t-rex, yep that's it. My arms just aren't freaking long enough! Well, again, thanks for teh blog post and I'm bookmarking your blog... I feel more accepted now. I really want to cry...
ReplyDeleteI guess I need to be extremely thank to God I have never had this problem. I've been near 400lbs, but have never had a problem wiping myself. I have a few other mobility problems, but we all manage. Bless you, and if I can lose about 7o lbs, some came back, some stayed off, but you can make a difference. Stay strong, stay positive. You can be the person you were born to be, no matter your weight.
ReplyDeleteHi. I am also glad I found this blog...I was going to start one myself. I am 375 lbs and I have had bariatric surgery back in 1998 which was done by a doctor who no longer has a license either. He messed me up bad causing all kinds of health problems I am still working with. I recently even took a bad fall and tore my deltoid muscle with all the tendons around it, dislocated my shoulder and tore the rotator cuff too. I have all kinds of tips and tricks for hygiene and other obstacles that we face being so obese. Right now since I cant use my right arm I used to wipe from the right side and I tried with the left and because I have not bent that way very much I just couldn't reach with the left. So I went to Walmart and found Scrubbing Bubbles® Fresh Brush™ Toilet Cleaning System Model# 605126,608212. The angled handle is long and the brush holder actually retracts and has a gripper that you can slide a washcloth into or toilet paper, or adult wet wipe and then you slide the retractable end back in to lock it into place. It works great....don't use it to clean the toilet with too please! I know, sounds gross and weird but it works and its cheaper than the cleaning handles you buy from obesity websites. I also use a couple of hygiene products I LOVE that work so great. I use a wash called Hibiclens Antiseptic/Antimicrobial Skin Cleanser Liquid. I squirt some of it along with another body wash into a wash cloth or mesh bath sponge and it cleans so well, helps with blocking out yeast infections and keeps areas smelling cleaner longer. You feel cleaner using it...under your breasts or apron usually are the first areas that collect moisture and Hibiclens keeps the bacteria levels down. then I use Dermahealth Medicated Barrier Cream under all those areas and it keeps me cleaner longer, keeping out the yeasty kind of odor and moisture from rolls of fat, under breasts or aprons, even in your genital area. I have been using these products for a long time and they work great. The Hibiclens I have only found at Walgreens or Albertsons and the Dermahealth I think is strictly a Walmart product. Those are some of the things I use...have lots of other tips and tricks to keep me feeling as fresh and smelling as fresh as I can. Thanks. Bobbi
ReplyDeleteThanks for your post, I knew there was something out there to keep down bacteria. Will you please send more of your tips.
DeleteYa'll are awesome. Im glad I ran across this post. Is there a way to email you and others that have posted w/o putting my email out there for everyone?
ReplyDeleteI'm so happy that I found this site, I really learned so much. I've been embrassed to talk to my husband about this, but I'm going to now. Thank you all so much, especially to you Morph.
ReplyDeleteNo, no way to email. But if you want you can comment here, say you want to keep it private and I won't post it when it comes through moderation.
ReplyDeleteI'm so glad I found this blog. Thank you all so much for sharing! I'm in my mid 20's and weigh 300+ pounds. I'm at the point where I can not wipe front or bottom. It is so embarassing, because I get poop butt and it soaks through my jeans, leaving stains on car seats, couches, etc.
ReplyDeleteI have to live on campus at college with a roommate in the fall and I'm so worried about what I'm going to do about my personal hygeine. Until now, I've been taking online classes, and become a hermit, so it hasn't been a problem. I've looked at some of the suggestions upthread, but they're not an option for me, as I want to maintain my privacy (and dignity!). I'm making myself sick worrying about this. If anyone could help me, please, I'd greatly appreciate it.
This comment has been removed by a blog administrator.
ReplyDeleteNot sure of how a sponge on a stick or a toilet paper holder on a long arm wouldn't maintain your privacy. There are a lot of suggestions here, not sure what else you might be looking for.
ReplyDeleteI am in the first stages of this problem but I can see it coming. I am 320 lb sometimes as high as 360 for my 6'1" frame. I have range of motion issues from a hip reconstruction, hip replacement, lower bowel resect and a flap due to diabetes. All of these thing have made me increasingly feeble. I am still able to shower which I desperately need to be able to go out and I generally stay at home where I am always within 30 feet of a toilet with a riser. Out in the world, the handicapped toilets are too low to sit on comfortably and wiping dips your fingers in the toilet water which is far too close to the seat. When I get out of the shower, I muct lie down in order to air out the areas below folds of flesh but if I spend too much time sitting at my computer which is the only place I can do anything useful these days, I get the yeasty smell that has been talked of here. I have cured that problem for me by putting a layer of skin conditioner there but the ideas in this site are much better and I am enormously grateful. My biggest problem with my physique right now is the question of underwear. It has been years since I have worn any tighty whiteys or boxers as I am an aging ex-hippy and I solved that problem with showers and frequent laundering. The problem is that my belly is far bigger than my hips and underwear rolls down to become an uncomfortable nuisance below my buns. I am forced to wear suspenders with my pants though I used to wear belts. Then I have to wear my shirt-tails out over the suspenders because I can't wear a belt at my armpits and I need to get out of my clothes in a hurry to be able top use a public restroom. I have been quite unable to come to a solution on underwear. The idea of a second set of suspenders does not seem reasonable. Does anyone have any ideas. Bless you all.
ReplyDeletePersonally, my underwear goes under my belly rather than over. I doubt I could find underwear large enough to go over my belly. I understand the difficulties and my heart goes out to you.
ReplyDeleteI am over 500 lbs at 5'2. For potty issues, I use BBQ tongs. Those bariatric hygene fanny wipers are all made of cheap plastic, and when reaching, my apron comes down and crushes the handle. I cannot reach around, as I too have T-rex syndrome. We keep babywipes in the bathroom. They are thicker and more durable than the 'adult wipes' ex: cottonelle, etc. I use TP until mostly clean then a wipe to make sure. As for the underwear issue, I HATE when they roll down under my apron, because when i have to get them down in a hurry, my skin rolls up in them. I get pinched AND they wont come down. I will be buying bigger undies, and possibly wearing them backwards as my front is bigger than the back (not by much!) Someone need to make fuller full cut.. as in deeper from waist to crotch. Good luck!
ReplyDeleteIf you go on Mizrak.com he make clothes from 1x all the way up to 12x and bigger if you ask. He lists the measurements also. He make undeerwear that is very full and big too. I mean in some cases up to 100" and very long in the waist and tummy area, and he does legged panties too, and plus size towel wraps and plus size wash clothes.. I buy clothes from him all the time and he is super frienly to talk to and really loves big women.
DeleteI also buy undies from lulusplussize on ebay.
I have a number of other good sights for super big clothes and aids and furniture too if anyone would like me to share
i to am so grateful for this blog....one lady said she was using a back scracher but it was so long....look in the brylane catalog and they have a back scracher that extends....that might help her. it will fit in a smaller purse.
ReplyDeletethanks so much for all the useful ideas.....another person mentioned her pad was falling out of her panties...use the pads that have glue on 'em...such as poise...they work great.
I am so glad to have found this blog..I'm thankful to all who have written with suggestions. Having gained 65lbs. in the last 2 years reaching 265 lbs. and already having T-Rex hands has been very difficult for good hygiene. My story goes even further in the embarrassment dept. The way I've been trying to get in position on the toilet seat to wipe myself(aft)with so much stomach in the way, I been reeking havoc on the seat, In the past couple of months I've broken two toilet seats at home and now another one at my job in a private home. It would be embarrassing enough if I weighed 120 lbs. but this has truly been the last straw. Just being able to admit this to someone, I am so grateful. I'll try some of these suggestions. P.S. Lost 5lbs. last week. Can't remember the last time I could say that.
ReplyDeleteI broke a hair dresser seat once when they tried to hoist me up. I told them not to because the pole is not strong enough, just leave it down and do my hair. T hat is what my rag places do, but this wa a new place I tried when I moved.
DeleteOMG - I am not alone. This seems to be the start of most of the comments and it truly hits home. I too share everyone's pain and embarrassing events. I stopped weighing myself around 360lbs, that was a year ago. I am afraid to know what I weigh now. I am an Director at an international company that prides themselves on healthy employees, then you have me, the biggest employee of them all. I don't know how I become this person. I have no insurance so I have not seen a doctor in years and I seem to be having painful sores and infections all over, however I am to ashamed to seek medical help.
ReplyDeleteI am a gay male in a 16 year relationship and I am too embarrassed to ask him for help. He too is following in footsteps but 1/2 my size. He does everything around the house and I am so full of guilt over it however I don't have the energy to help.
The bathroom routine is so embarrassing, My rear end is so rashed up and raw, I can't help but itch it. I am at the verge as someone else said above, i need to make a choice to wither away in shame or get up. I wish there was a support group like this for health wanna b's. I am just so thankful this blog was here. THANK YOU ALL, I feel so better knowing I am not alone.
You might have yeast infections. It is something I constantly battle. I'd suggest what I do at night. The affected areas are wiped down then if I have a yeast flare I use over the counter yeast cream (the stuff for jock itch/athlete's food) or if there is no yeast, I use the yeast powder for prevention.
ReplyDeleteI find eating at least one small yogurt a day helps, or taking acidophilous pills each day. I only seem to get yeast infections when on antibiotics for ear infectinons or something. When I do get one I use the Over the counter pill that you can swallow as getting the little supositories in is kindof difficult sometimes.
DeleteI would like to hear how everyone deals with their period. I don't use pads unless I have to because the way my tummy pushes the crotch area out a bit so the pad isn't always held up tight against me. I also find too tha being heavier on them they sometimes move or bunch. I like tampons better as they keep me clean and dry,but sometimes when I am bloated or my hip is acting up I can't bend or squat enough to reach to use them, or someimes to grab the string too. Some one said to try an attends or sometype of adult incontenace underwear, but that could be expensive couldn't it?
I carry a standard 7 inch ACE comb that is tapered from the large tooth end to the fine tooth end. I wrap a length of two or three sheets of tissue tightly around the narrow end and wipe/scrape from side to side. The taper allows me to jettison the tissue fairly easily. Repeat as required. The nice thing is that carrying a comb is not as conspicous as carrying a reach, especially for a guy without a purse.
ReplyDeletejust want to say this is the first site i've come across that really fits where im at in life. i am trying to lose weight but i can't find anyone in my shoes or who even understand me or wants to help me.
ReplyDeletemost are just wanting to lose a little weight.
anyway i use a back scratcher to wipe with and also i use a retractable back scratcher when out.
i was wondering if anyone has had the problems i have about going to the doctor?
i mean i have a lot of blatter infections and i can't reach to hold a cup and pee in it. i had to tell my doctor this the last time i was there and it was very embarrassing. and i could tell he was descusted
There are dishes with rims that you hang under the toilet seat for this. The hospitals use them and call then "hats". You put them at the front for urine collection, in the back for stool. Then you poor the urine into the bottle. You can buy these, both the hat and the bottle at pharmacies, or if you go to your lab and ask they will give you them to takehome or to use in the washroom there.
Delete1/13 Anonymous - Ask the nurse that sets up the bathroom for you for a "hat." This is something they place in the toilet that catches the urine. I'd also suggest finding another doctor. They work for YOU and you should demand they treat you with respect and that includes not giving you looks. Try to find one that works within a facility that has bariatric services. You'll find they are much more compassionate in general.
ReplyDeleteTo: Morph
ReplyDeleteWow, great post! It's incredibly brave and amazing of you to share that. I think if more people felt they could be honest about things like this that things would progress much better.
I've been obese for most of my life. Within the last year I've gotten down to just being overweight. I was never heavy enough to have trouble reaching to wipe or anything, but I was most definitely heading there. I could see it coming.
Thanks so much for sharing. It means a lot to a lot of people.
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To: AnonymousNov 7, 2011 04:45 PM
First of all, wow! 16 years is an accomplishment!
I would try talking to your partner about this. From what you say, he loves you and you love him. Trust him enough to help you with this. If it makes you feel better, I would go to the doctor first and mention the sores (those might get bad), and then talk to your partner about what the doctor said.
If you're interested in losing weight or halting your weight gain, I'd tell your guy about that, too. If he is also gaining weight, he might want to do something about it, as well. It might be something you can work on together. It's easier with support and someone who can commiserate.
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To: AnonymousJan 13, 2012 09:33 PM
I agree with Morph - get a new doctor. I mean, good lord, that was unprofessional of him/her. They're there to assist you.
I am in the same position being 6'1 and 500lbs I have developed limited motion making it hard to wipe. The only way I can is in the shower with a scrub brush I was able to handle this task myself on my tippy toes until I slipped in the shorwer and now find I can no longer reach. Being unemployed before all this started I cannot imaging how I can handle hygiene while I am at work? Do I go home shower, "clean-up" and change clothes? My Brother suggested I go an apply for SSI Disability to get my life back. Was curious if anyone is on disability and how hard is it to get on it for help? Thanks for the posting and the help.. Jim
ReplyDeleteI use a washcloth that I put between my legs then I pull it thru the front. I buy the 2 dollar pack at wallmart.
ReplyDeleteFeb 19 Anonymous - I am currently on disability but it my plan to lose enough weight to go back to work and am working toward an Associates in Accounting. It is a lengthly process to get on Social Security. The important thing to remember is that 70% of claims get denied the first time. Be sure to appeal and keep appealing. There are law firms that won't take any money unless you get onto disability.
ReplyDeleteI was tickled pink to find this blog and information! I recently tipped over the 300 mark and things have been hard to "handle" in the toileting department for a long time. From 2006, when I had my gall bladder removed, to 2011 (and even oftentimes now), I have had severe digestive issues. I either have uncontrollable diarrhea or I'm constipated. I've seen the specialists and it came down to a fiber supplement helping both situations to a great degree! However, depression over years of dealing with THOSE problems, I put on the excess weight.
ReplyDeleteI've been able to tuck my hand down and brace my wrist on the toilet seat, then scoot forward to bring my bum to the handful of tissue. Aggravating, but it was working until I noticed that I was developing rough skin on the wrist bone and the longer this went on, my wrist bone began getting bruised and I STILL was not doing a very effective job of it. Just made me angry every time I needed to go potty!!
I was embarrassed to even type the topic into google today, but I'm so happy I did. Thanks for sharing!
God Bless
I've been trying to read through all the entries, and have found some good ideas, to work on. I'm am over 650lbs, and have been dealing with this problem for awhile.
ReplyDeleteWhat I have done, it so go on line, and look up the Big John toilet seat, which is much more comfortable. secondly, you can get them other places, but I find good prices on bidet attachments. Ths is for those of us that don't have room or money to add a real bidet to our bathrooms.
Everytime I go to the bathroom, I wash my bottom clean, and depending on the pressure used, and the angle at which you sit, you can clean a long way up. You can run a hot water line to the toilet, and use warm water in stead of just cold, also if you want to pay more, you can get them with built in blow driers, to dry your bottom. Since it does leave the bottom so clean, I use a towel, like they do at a nudist colony, and dry off. Then toss in toe laundry. No fuss no mess.
They do make travel versions, but I don't find them reliable. However, if you go on line, you can find an item called a SureShot, They are shower attachments, which use the same hose as a hand held shower, and if you take a wrench with you , it's easy to add to the hotel shower and make your self nice and clean. They come with diverters, and come with a metal head, or ruber tube. Similar to an enema bag. And please don't use them interchangably, this is bery unsanitary.
With that said, my biggest problem now, is being able to as they say, "go number one". With all the fat surounding the crotch area, many times, my member doesn't want to come out to do it's job. And several times, I have ended up getting my pants and even the floor wet.I find this very embarassing, especially in a public restroom. I thought the floors in there were dirty and wet, due to bad aim. I am now considering the idea of using an external catheter, which will give me better control, and I can go for longer periods of timw without have to run to the bathroom. I'm just not keep on the idea of wearing a leg bag full of urine.
Any thoughts on this one?
I am over 600 and wouldn't think of trying#1 standing at a urinal; it's completely impossible. You go into a stall, drop you pants, underpants, pull up the huge hanging gut (it will take both arms if its like mine) and then go Better yet, look for handicapped stall and do the above but then sit as long as there are handicapped rails for you to grab to get up; I can't rise without them, it is hard enough to lift 630 (or more; my 82 inch waist pants are getting tight) with them helping. Of course they help guide you down too. As for #2, I carry some emergency equipment, but try to never do that anywhere but at home or in a handicapped bathroom at a travel lodging. That way you have the shower option.
DeleteNow, if only I could find a steering wheel I could fit behind, and a sexual position that would work, life would be pretty good!
My only thought is to try sitting down. As a female, that the only way I do it. Heh. I know that sometimes my husband will pee while sitting if he is doing "other business" at the same time.
ReplyDeleteI completely understand what you are going through. I have thought about being this candid on my blog, but have not had the courage. I applaud you for your ability to tell it like it is. I too am super morbidly obese (gosh, I hate the way that sounds!), weighing over 450lbs. Everyone tells me that I don't look like it, but I sure do feel like it. The last doctor I saw told me that I was 29 going on 80 years old. That made me feel awful, and did nothing to fuel my motivation of losing weight. Using the BR is difficult. I find that paper towels reach better. I buy the good stuff like Brawny and Scott. I wet two and clean, then used 1 to dry. I repeat until all is clean. Some days I have a lot of back pain and cannot reach very well. Instead, I have an empty water bottle that I keep in the BR. The sink is right beside the toilet, so I fill it up as many times as I need and position my body over the toilet. I allow the warm water to run down my backside. It actually gets most of everything off the rear. I then try to use paper towels to dry. As for the front, I too wear thin pads b/c I cannot reach at all. I clean everyday with a shower attachment. And out in public places, I try to hold it until I can get home. If not, I break my back attempting to be clean. I cannot stand it and yet I still am not motivated to lose. Someone explain it to me please. It is a conundrum to me.
ReplyDeleteThank you for posting this. My husband is nearly 500 pounds. He was fired from one job for being morbidly obese. People do complain to me about the way he smells and I didn't know what to do except to help him try to lose the weight.
ReplyDeleteThere are so many great ideas here. Truth be told,
I never thought to offer to help him clean up. I'll see if he'll let me help.
Bless you.
Two things that have helped with odor are 1) going to the pool - the chlorine really "cleans" you up and 2) keeping the yeast under control with a daily shower, evening wipe down and powder.
ReplyDeleteThank you for the bravery of this post. Thank you so much. I am 26 years old, and 420lbs. I tried going in for the bypass surgery, but the disease that caused the weight gain to begin with came back and so I am stuck. I don't want to be the smelly person >:
ReplyDeleteHere is a great hint I use. Desitin diaper ointment in the new fragrance. (no more cod liver smell!). After a shower I use it under apron, between groin and other personal areas and yes, inside the labia and as far back as I can reach. (I sit on my bed after bathing.). Then if hygiene suffers for whatever reason, 1) it eliminates odor completely in underwear and 2) it protects sensitive skin. It even makes what wiping you can do mich more efficient because of the lubrication. To me, it is a miracle!
ReplyDeleteWow a civilized normal discussion of being overweight and toiletry issues, my congrats to you all for being so forth right. I am 265 I don't have any mobility problems or hygenic issues. But I have a friend with whom I have engaged in a weight loss "battle" I am concerned for him known him since 12 years of age and remet 2 years ago we've shared a lifetime of life through sharing stories we've spent weekends in hotel rooms no, no romance I am married I am blessed with a honest trusting husband. But my times with him I've heard the breathing problems at night seen some of the other things that come with morbidly obese and not being able to be nimble that I still have. Funnily enough I guess I am morbidly obese too but not restricted by being out of breath or tiring easily. But to the point I get all of what you are saying and so honestly thank you. It helps me to understand more of him in ways I couldn't even ask and bathroom habits which in some instances he's taken a shower or a real long time inordantly longer than I ever would and I get it. Never would have. So on such a tender subject thank you, I wish you all the best.
ReplyDeleteThanks for this. Everyone else has said how important it was to see a site being so candid about something that so many people are needing help with. This gives hope (not just help) to a lot of people that are far too embarrassed to ask for advice on such an important subject. Fat folks are the only openly discriminated against special needs population regardless of race or creed.
ReplyDeleteThank you so much for this discussion. I too found you quickly by using google. I really appreciate all the helpful input. I suffer from morbid obesity, depression, fibromyalgia. I went on disability from my job and lost 100 pounds only to put it back on when long term disability was approved and I realized I wasn't going to be able to go back to my job of 8 plus years. Now my long term disability was not recertified and I have managed to put on another 15 pounds on top of all that. What began as a minor toileting issue has now become a major issue. I can't/won't talk to my spouse about any of it so I am ruining clothes and under clothes. I know I must smell bad. Part of the depression is causing me to shower less frequently and leave my home even less frequently than that. I have become so isolated and now this toileting problem causes me to be so embarrassed that I feel soon I will NEVER leave the house. This causes more depression and the cycle just goes on and on. I have wonderful grown children and beautiful grandchildren and I am missing out on so much with them and my friends. Thank you and God bless all of you who have bared your soul and offered such great suggestions. I think I will go get a shower whily hubby is still in bed.
ReplyDeleteMorph! I have to let you and all of your pals know of my secret weapon. I was tired of the expensive hygiene helpers. I went to the hardware store and bought the small paint roller with long handle. The rollers are only 4 inches and you can buy replacements ...which makes them disposabl. I use them to bathe...reaches my back ...toes and privates. Use it as a toilet buddy. You can carry it in your handbag with disposable replacements and never worry about contaminating.
ReplyDeleteI weigh about 350 lbs. I buy thin, white, cotton, absorbent dish towels. I hold the corner of the towel on the diagonal and pull it from the back to the front. I do it again to insure I'm clean. I am female and so use a feline deodorant spray and Ammens power on a powder puff that is on a dowel. After this, I roll up the towel and put it in a ziplock bag. I always carry a clean towel in a plastic bag in my pocketbook.
ReplyDeleteAnti perspirant deodrant products thats used for underarms also works under the breast and apron folds to keep the yeasties and odor away. I am not overweight but am a nurse and learned this trick from an old doctor. My daughter is obese and has worked for her and my mom, and on the patients ive taken care of over the years. Oh and also between legs and in groin area. Just apply it after bathing like you do under the arms. They also make an anti fungal zinc oxide cream for the yeast rashes....it does work.......keep smiling people.....find the humor in life...laughter helps with the motivation and lifts the spirits
ReplyDeleteI too greatly appreciate this post and the information being passed along.
ReplyDeleteOne concern I have is the link to mysizeusa.com in an earlier comment. This site has been charged with major internet fraud.
The best bunch of toilet hygiene aids I have found is www.oversizesolutions.com .
Here is a link directly to the hygiene page:
http://www.oversizesolutions.com/Toileting-Aids-s/29.htm
Why not use a long damp towel and use it as a form of anal flossing?
ReplyDeleteOne arm reaching behind your shoulder holding one end of the towel and the other down in front holding the other end and slide it back and forth between your butt crevice?
Brian S
My husband and I are both very overweight. Him much more than I and he has to depend on what is called a Bottom Buddy which can be purchased over the internet.
ReplyDeleteSometimes I have to wipe him myself if things get a bit too messy for him after a 'trifecta session'
That's his nickname for eating three meals one after the other. LOL.
As you probably guessed he has a bad eating problem.
We even thought of a bidet but that probably wouldn't support his weight and showering everytime after a visit to the toilet would give us a huge water bill.
hi im not overweight i cant relate to those problem at all.
ReplyDeleteHow is that comment in any way helpful or respectful of the people who have shared with such candour and support thus far on this remarkably frank and needed post?
DeleteMorph, I have returned to your blog a number of times, not just for your inspiring journey but for the humour and talent with which you write. I wish you and your husband all the very best in this new year.
Good day.
ReplyDeleteI have a question and am not trying to judge. But when you first got to a stage where you could not do normal toilet activities didn't a kind of warning bell go off that said you probably want to change your eating consumption?
You'll be 110 lbs in 38 years at the current weight loss rate.
ReplyDeleteA=A0*exp(-rt)+c
ln(A/c)=-rt+ln(A0/c)
linear regression gives rate of .05/year, c of 20 lbs (too low because of limited data). You can confirm this to see that it matches your data.
plug in weight of 110 lbs for A, 621 for A0, .05 for r, 20 for c and solve for t to get 38 years.
Congratulations, every lb lost makes your body healthier and life better.
I am 110 lbs now:)
DeleteGood day. You might want to install a portable bidet attachment on your toilet. They shoot a stream of water to cleanse you. I am not obese but suffer from hemorrhoids and these are a life saver. They cost very little, around $50. Amazon has a wide selection.
ReplyDeleteHi All,
ReplyDeleteI just discovered this blog and wish I had known of the existence of so many fellow sufferers a long time ago. I am 74 years old, 350 lbs. I have had this toileting problem for the last 20 or so years.
I purchased a "dressing stick" from a home medical site. This is a wound wooden stick about 24" long. On one end it has a rubber-covered hook-like piece screwed into the top of the stick. After showering, I sit on my bed, wrap a baby wipe around the hook", roll over on my side, raise my top leg slightly and wipe. I then repeat as many times as needed to get 100% clean. I do this twice a day. This takes care of number2, but number 1 is not so easy, as I cannot afford to take a shower every time I pee!
I have given up going anywhere at all, so stay home 24/7. I might try taking the Amplestuff sponges with me if I get up my courage!
Thanks so much for sharing all this crucial info.
I have a helpful suggestion - I have a big tummy, and what helps me reach all the way is laying down on my back - gravity makes my stomach go down and i can reach everything. I use a baby wipe to clean while laying down. (if i use a wet towel that makes the bed wet, but a baby wipe is perfect!
ReplyDeleteAlso, women cannot wipe back to front because if we get poop and e-coli from your butt then touching the very sensitive female parts that you can get bad infections. so never wipe back to front ladies! :)
also, for everyone, I haven't figured out a solution to this - but if you cant reach down, put something solid like a piece of wood maybe, on the bed or a table or something, put a cleaning towel over it, and then lean over it and then move back and forth on this contraption to clean. I am thinking this is a good idea, because you dont have to use your too short hands to reach, but i haven't been able to develop something, but maybe one of you who are handy can think of something. I hope you understand what Im trying to say :)
I know there are a lot of devices for helping with wiping and even some to help with suppositories, but what about tampons. Reaching to get them in nd out easier? Any suggestions or ideas that have worked for anyone out there?
ReplyDeleteThis web site has answered questions I've had for a very long time. I have four very close friends who are obese and have serious health problems. I know that they know their health is suffering because of the weight, and can't understand why they don't do something about it - other than feeding their faces, which none of them have a problem doing. I know weight loss is not easy, but I'd do it before letting it kill me.
ReplyDeleteI realize there will be a LOT angry replies to this entry, if it is published.
thank you for sharing this i am in the same boat as you are. extremely heavy and i hate the way i look. people make fun of me in public and it makes me depressed to see all these people ridicule me so i try to not go out as much. i feel disgusting. i wish there was a way for the weight and fat to just go off i feel a prisoner of it.
ReplyDelete